


Neighborhood Watch

by Latent



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 05:55:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11307102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latent/pseuds/Latent
Summary: Welcome, recruits. You've been invited to participate in training designed to shape you into a skilled agent for a very special purpose. Our city was in a state of disrepair until a group of citizens banced together and took a stand. Soccer moms. Granola dads. Awkward, alternative band-obsessed older siblings. Bible camp instructors. Boyscouts. These residents would go on to form the elite team known as the Neighborhood watch.





	Neighborhood Watch

"Welcome, recruits. You've been invited to participate in training designed to shape you into a skilled agent for a very special purpose. Our city was in a state of disrepair until a group of citizens banced together and took a stand. Soccer moms. Granola dads. Awkward, alternative band-obsessed older siblings. Bible camp instructors. Boyscouts. These residents would go on to form the elite team known as the **Neighborhood watch**."

 

Jack Morrison crossed his arms expectantly and examined the young teenagers in front of him. Angela Ziegler, the school nurse, stood nearby with a calm grin on her face. Jack signed in defeat after realizing that the only student actually interested in his speech was Lena Oxton, which wasn't saying much, because she found EVERYTHING any teacher said astronomically fascinating.

 

"Angela help me out here," Jack whispered with the pained expression of a rejected father.

 

"What are you looking at ME for? If you need help you should ask Ana, she's very good with the children."

 

"The councilor?"  
  


"She knows what they like and how they are, Jack."

 

Morrison thought about the idea for a moment, then sighed. "Alright, fine, I'll call Ana. But just for the record, I'M better with the kids."

 

Within a few minutes, Ana Amari arrived on the scene with a halloween candy bucket in her hands. Jack explained the situation to her, minus the detail about Angela suggesting she be called. Ana directed her gaze to the children and simply said,

 

"If you agree to join and help out with the project, you will get some days off of school and less homework each night."

 

Immediately the students sat up straighter in their chairs as quiet whispers of approval ran through the crowd. Jack grumbled something about taxes, probably, then crossed his arms again and reclaimed center stage.

 

"Now that you're all on board, we'll need to give you nicknames. Everyone knows that secret agents don't use their real names. I will be... Soldier 76. And that's not a direct reference to me being an old man, shut up."

  
  
Angela shook her head slowly. "Jack, no one said-"

 

"ANYWAYS. Lena. You'll be called..." he searched his memory for any specific situation that may aid him in finding a name. "Tracer."

 

The obnoxiously accented girl threw her arms up and exclaimed, "You tracer over the Mona Lisa to pass art class ONE TIME and suddenly it's your legacy!"

 

Jack slowly turned to face Angela and whispered in a low, strained tone, "I didn't... I didn't know about the Mona Lisa thing..."

 

"It's alright, just continue and pretend as if you did," she responded quickly through her teeth, still grinning at the audience, desperate to avoid an awkward atmosphere.

 

Jack redirected his attention to the children once more and cleared his throat. "No no, it's not because of that, it's because... it's because you uh... run fast... Moving on! Jenga and Handsoap..." He squints his eyes and struggles to read the messy marker scribbles on his hand. "Chimichanga. You'll be-"

 

"Sir." Genji interrupted, hand raised.

 

"What?"

  
  
"It's **Genji** and **Hanzo** _Shimada_."

 

"Works for me," Jack responded, oblivious to the fact that the boy was actually correcting him on the pronunciation of their ACTUAL names.

 

"No, Jack, they're correcting you," Angela pointed out. "It's Genji and Hanzo Shimada, not Jenga and Handsoap Chimichanga."  
  


Jack rolled his eyes. "Shimada Shimado, who cares. Anyways. Satya, we're going to call you Symmetra because of your incredibly annoying symmetry obsession. We've lost more pet hamsters in your 'reorganizations' than we have from Jamie eating them. Speaking of, Jamie and Mako, you two will be known as disappointing trash one, and disappointing trash two."  


 

Mako threateningly lifted an exacto knife-covered plastic extending grabby arm beside him. The exacto blades had been sloppily secured on with duck tape. Jack, effectively threatened, swallowed hard as beads of nervous sweat began to form on his forehead. He then managed to choke out, "Correction; after recent developments in nicknaming laws and pants pissing amendments, you will be known as... Junkrat and Roadhog."

 

Mako nodded his silent approval of the new names and lowered his weapon

 

Jack awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and recollected the shattered pieces of his pride, which had metaphorically scattered across the floor. "How did that even get into the building... Whatever, moving on. Aleksandra, because you are a thirteen year old with the capability to rip my arms off and beat me with them, I'm going to give you the privilige of naming yourself to avoid giving you one that you don't like."

 

The girl smiled and simply stated "Zarya," satisfied with being able to choose it herself.

 

"Literally no questions asked, your name is now Zarya. Next up. Fareeha, you'll be-"

 

"Not so fast," interrupted Ana, figuratively cockblocking everyone like usual. "Fareeha, why are you here? you know I didn't approve of you joining the Neighborhood Watch."

 

Fareeha, visibly upset, shouted back, "But mom, I want to! I want to help keep the neighborhood safe like you did!"

 

Ana sighed and moved her hands to her temples as if she had a migraine, but everyone knew she was really just being over dramatic. ""Child, you give me a headache sometimes!"

 

In response to this, Fareeha leapt from her front-row seat and quickly approached Jack. 

 

"Come on Jack, do something! Convince her! She never lets me do ANYTHING fun!"

 

Jack ruffled her hair gently and smiled. "Oh kiddo..." His smile immediately faded and was replaced with a serious one. "I would but your mother scares the _living hell_ out of me and personally, I enjoy having two working legs and also being alive in general."

 

"See Fareeha?" Ana cut in. "Mother knows best, and mother knows it's too dangerous for you."

 

"But mom, it isn't even dangerous! Us kids aren't going to be doing anything radical!"

  
"She is right about that one, you know," Angela added, bringing herself into the argument. "And even if something DOES happen to go a little wrong, you know Jack and I will be there to help."

  
Ana side-eyed Jack and said with a blank expression, "Was that supposed to make me feel... better about this?"

 

Angela sighed. "I'LL be there to help."

  
  
Fareeha nodded and grinned widely, glad that she now had an older voice to aid her point. The rest of the students attending the assembly let their eyes bounce back and forth as the feud went from person to person like some kind of slow-paced, overhyped game of ping-pong. Eventually, Ana gave in and allowed Fareeha to join under the nickname Pharah.

 

For the next thirty minutes, Jack analyzed and nicknames the rest of the eager students. Some of the names he gave were so lame or repulsive that some of them decided to go by their regular names and the others felt physically ill.

 

"Alright, now you are given your 'weapons.' Keep in mind that these aren't going to be things you can use in genuine dangerous situations to deffend yourselves. If we even THOUGHT about giving children real weapons we'd have some angry parents and a few lawsuits already on our hands. That is NOT a desirable situation by the way, since the majority of our funding has gone into the restoration of..."

 

Jack froze as the cloaked plastic model skeleton from the biology room ominously rolled past, its emotionless eyes staring into the darkened theatre hall.

 

"...Of Principal Reyes. After the whole 'school being blown up' incident where I had a midlife crisis an ran off to play golf and buy cars."

 

"That's enough of your personal life, Jack," Angela muttered while handing out laser pointers, pool noodles, squirt guns and mini marshmallow cannons. "The children don't have time for your problems."

 

Jack dismissed her comment with a wave of his hand. "Oh well what do YOU know." He directed his attention back to the children, who were now fully armed with less-than-effective toy weaponry.

 

"On your way out the door, Miss Amari will hand you sheets of paper with your first assignments on them. Your group members for the task will ALSO be listed. Remember to ALWAYS stay together. We will be around at the listed checkpoints just in case you need any help. Understood?"  
  


"Understood!" the audience cheered back, triumphantly raising their 'weapons' in excitement. 

 

After each child was dismissed, the adults in the room started to quickly gather their belongings so that they could migrate to the checkpoints. However, before they could leave, the infamous plastic model skeleton once again wheeled in front of the door. After a minute of deafening silence, Jack glared and asked,

 

"What do you mean, a 'team of your own??"

  
  
After another moment of complete silence, Angela suddenly looked shocked. "Really? New students? But who? And why?"  


 

Note that the skeleton had not actually uttered a sound, and any normal person witnessing this interaction would rightfully assume these teachers were higher than comercial airlines.

 

Two girls then stepped out from behind the cloaked skeleton, one without any emotion, the other too preoccupied with a miniature tablet to notice what was going on.

 

Jack had a dumbfounded and worried expression plastered across his face. "Gabriel, that child is blue."

 

The skeleton, of course, said nothing. It remained for two more full minutes, then twisted around and rolled away silently with the girls following closely behind it. Jack clenched his fist and glanced at Angela. "We have to get out there and help our students as fast as possible. Who knows what that... boney weirdo has planned."

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what the fuck this is


End file.
